On Solidarity or Separatism- as We Look Ahead

 

I have been pondering deeply this last week on an issue that I think requires some serious attention. I believe it requires those of us who call ourselves feminists to think about what it is we really want. That question in and of itself is a broad question and one could argue that there are as many “wants” as there are feminists. Granted, however we are a group called feminists because somewhere along the line we realized that what we wanted as individuals might not be all that different one to the other. So a collective exists in which we have identified key common desires or objectives to work towards, but not to the exclusion or denigration of individual goals and choices. That for me is what feminism is in simple terms. So back to the what do we want question: I believe that what we want is to see the end of Patriarchy, its structures, institutions and cultural /social constructs, which have resulted in the disenfranchisement of women.  This is the simple definition. We can take this a step further and say that we want to dismantle patriarchy and its structures which have disenfranchised, enslaved and impoverished, women, people of color and which perpetuates a subculture of poverty and dependency in poor communities of color We want an end to racism which in many ways is an extension of patriarchy, and we want to see justice and basic human rights for all people. I would say that sums up feminism as I understand it.

The One Billion Rising Campaign culminated in on February 14, 2013, a day that I certainly will always remember as the one day in history in which women all over the globe stood together against one evil that threatens our lives and the life of this planet: Violence against women and rape. What this global campaign showed me is this: that when women set their minds to do something, we do it and we exceed our own expectations and shock the hell out of our detractors.

That having been said, the organizing and pulling off of such a stunt takes huge effort and resources, and requires impeccable communication and co- operation among and between the various stakeholders and grassroots organizations that sign up to this. I am still in awe as I watch video footage from all over the world and I get goosebumps when I imagine what was loosed into the universe that day. For me that “thing” that was set free is hope. I have real hope that if women are willing and determined, we can change this world. We can dismantle patriarchy, a tottering old geyser that is clinging on for dear life. We can heave this monstrosity into the abyss once and for all. But only if we want to, only if we choose to, only if we stop bickering, stop holding grudges, stop maligning the work of others stop and take ownership of our failings, and stop being combative in our efforts at resolving our internal conflicts, .

I have been saddened as have many of my fellow globally oriented feminist sisters, at the mean spirited rhetoric and lack of goodwill coming from certain quarters, particularly women of color. Sure without a doubt many mistakes were made, many issues were overlooked and perhaps there was poor planning and communication in the process towards One billion Rising 2013. Many things may have been overlooked because of the sheer size of the campaign and the fact that each region of the world interpreted the Vision differently. The whole idea of dance as a form of protest was repulsive to some but liberating to others and the fact that millions/billion turned out to participate is a good indication that there was a critical mass who truly believed. Those who did not said as much and some still believed in the Rising enough to create alternative activities. All this was welcome, embraced and found a place in OBR. However, to want to characterize what were genuine errors as wilful acts of evil, to then refuse genuine apologies and overtures to make things right for now and for the future says to me that there is a lack of goodwill, and I would go further to add that there is a certain willingness to stay in the victim pool, pointing fingers and yelling “White Savior Industrial Complex” [a male coined term BTW] at V-day and the OBR originators. This says to me that solidarity is not what some women of color are seeking because when offered an opportunity to represent their people, they refuse and state that it is going against their integrity and selling their souls for money and prestige. WOW!  To then proceed to call an individual who tries to do her part in improving the conditions of women around the world a white supremacist /colonial feminist leaves me with the sickening realization that: while some of us toil tirelessly for solidarity, others are busy unravelling the work. One esteemed sister of color  stated:
 "I'm becoming very tired with us "women of colour" taking more issue with white women than with patriarchy, which is the true oppressor. Of course, racial prejudice needs tackling but the stance of *war* is not the way to go about it. Just like it isn't with men. The 1 billion rising scandals made me feel real sad, as like with the slutwalks black women were condemning it even before it had happened. Sure, we can, and should, be critical, but constructively not just for the sake of it! "

What I have found lacking in the way women deal with one another are effective and constructive ways of conflict resolution. Yes we will make mistakes, yes we will fight and not always agree. However we have a tendency to ‘throw the baby out with the bath water’ disengage, instead of looking at the situation to see how best to resolve it, and also to be honest and recognize our own shortcomings in the whole mess.

It would appear that many sisters of color have lost sight of what we are fighting: Patriarchy, NOT white women. Sure many white feminists do not understand us, and many really don’t care to. However or vision cannot be so jaundiced as to not be able to recognize those who is genuinely seeking to understand, to stand with us and fight shoulder to shoulder in our struggles, or offer any assistance that we require. Sisters of color need to ask themselves a basic question especially when throwing around terms like “Whites Savior Industrial Complex”, which further states that they support brutal policies in the morning. When the Republicans repealed the Violence against women act (VAWA) late last year in the US, it was White feminists who fought hard who demonstrated and made huge amount of noise to have it re-instated. Many groups of women of color did too, but let’s face it on our own that law would not have come back. Why? Because the women most affected by VAWA are marginalized women of color and the part that was a sticking point was whether perpetrators of violence who were caught on Native American reservations committing violence were to be judged by the courts of the reservation or in conventional courts. In other words white men who raped Native American women on their reservations would be tried in the usual courts and of course probably get a lighter sentence than if tried in the tribal court system. This to me is solidarity and runs contrary to the definition of the white savior complex being in support of brutal policies. So why, as women of color are we choosing to use this term out of its original context and in order to cause harm to an organization run for and by women?

 

 

Patriarchy, not white women is our problem. Neither are all privileged white women or all privileged women of color the problem. Patriarchy is the problem. Many women use their position of privilege to assist their less privileged sisters and so it should be. However it is important that we all meet somewhere in the middle. The quote below has a middle sentence which I disagree with.

 It is our collective responsibility, privileged, unprivileged, rich, poor to educate one another on how the world has become such a mess. We should all be prepared to take part in difficult conversations that challenge all of us, if we are serious about real change. If we are playing politics and trying to undermine embarrass and ridicule one another then that is quite different. To expect white feminists to carry the burden of learning about the struggles of each and every disenfranchised group of women on this planet is madness. In order to reach a point of cultural awareness sensitivity and competence, we have to teach and be open to those who genuinely seek to learn. Yes I know we know most of what there is to know about whiteness because the whiteness construct is all pervasive and the white narrative is the dominant as history has shown us. However we need to move beyond this and when we as women of color get opportunities to share to use our voices then instead of being snide, we need to shout and scream our stories, so none can claim they did not hear. There are alternative and diverse narratives and we who own these narratives also have a responsibility to share them. But if we are closed and unwelcoming then we cannot turn around and complain that mainstream feminism takes no interest in what minority women have to say. We also need to question our motives for being cold and welcoming and ask exactly were this will takes us as a group. Of what benefit is it to name all and to write open letters that really only do one thing: humiliate and diminish another. Genuine critique and a desire to make progress will not happen through toxic "open letters". In fact those letters have a tendency to put people off, even those who would otherwise be supportive of a genuine grievance.

I learned a new term this last week: Cupcake feminism. The analogy is that the cake part is white and there are colored sprinkles on the frosting. In other words, there is this idea that women of color are being used by white feminist organizations as ‘token’ people of color so as to legitimize the organization’s claims to diversity and inclusion. Personally I think that is a stupid term because I do not see any right thinking woman of color agreeing to being a token and being in a position in which she has no real power or voice. Many people who find themselves in this position will eventually see the through the sherade and leave. It is actually quite condescending to believe that women of color would fall for a cheap unintelligent trick like that.

 

 

So back to my question: Can there be solidarity among and between the various feminist groups around the world? My personal response is a resounding yes. I want to keep believing in this but I also what to acknowledge the autonomy of each diverse group and stress that while we can be in solidarity with one another, our issues are too varied to expect us to merge synchronously at all times. There will be clashes mistakes and fights and arguments. It is how we deal with these that will keep us cohesive or tear us apart. We need to acquire the skills that will allow us to move ahead. As my papa Ikhide Ikheloa said to me in our therapy session earlier today: " Better is the woman who does good and makes mistakes, than the woman who does nothing and makes no mistakes."

For those who think separatism is the only way: good luck. Just please take your begging bowls home and don’t keep asking for money from “the white saviors”. Do it all your selves and all the best. Do not whine about being "marginalized", because you choose this state of affairs.

 Just remember that we share a common foe: PATRIARCHY.

 

One Billion Rising and thinking out loud: On Sex Education and the Dreaded M word

 

I recently wrote a paper for a southern African journal of feminism and although I am not at liberty to share the contents of the article on my blog, there is one nagging issue that research for this paper brought to the fore. It is the issue of sex education in young people.

One Billion Rising was a campaign that sought to bring the issue of violence against women front and center of discourse and to bring it out from under the umbrella of feminist issue to a humanist issue. This I firmly believe is the only way in which violence against women will be eradicated; when it becomes a human rather than a women’s issue. In other words women may be at the fore front of campaigns to end rape and domestic violence, however men need to be visible in this fight in huge numbers. In fact, I am now of the firm belief that women can find quick ‘band-aid’ type solutions to the problem of the violence that threatens to annihilate them, but I believe it is men who will ultimately push the frontier so that violence becomes an anomaly rather than a cultural norm.

In thinking about the issue of rape, it also occurred to me as I wrote this paper that sex education is practically non- existent. By this I mean that an education that seeks to assist girls and boys in understanding that they are sexual beings, and that sexual activity is supposed to be pleasurable to both men and women does not really exist.

 

 For example in initiation ceremonies across the globe, young women are taught that they are to be good wives and that their bodies are for the sole pleasure of their future husbands. In fact many have no idea what their external (let alone internal sex organs) look like or what each part is for.Girls are not taught that their bodies, the vagina, with its glorious nubbin of millions of nerve endings called the clitoris, are actually there, not for some boy or man to take pleasure from, but for themselves as girls/women to give themselves pleasure.

 

The media bombards girls with images and story lines like: "10 ways to keep your man begging for more".  The result is that many girls truly believe that in order to be popular they must give the best oral sex to boys (yes here in the States girls as young as 11 have been caught giving oral sex to boys on school buses and feeling very pleased with themselves for delivering “the best service”).  The topic of masturbation is one which even in so called liberal societies still make people cringe. But I would argue that if young women were brought up to be totally comfortable with their bodies and also to know how to pleasure themselves, we might have less of the martyr-esque sexual liasions that young girls often find themselves engaged in, all for the wrong reasons and with awful consequences to their self esteem.

 

The same would apply to boys, however the standards as usual are different. Boys masturbate and it is an accepted albeit frowned upon (or not openly discussed fact). What would be real education are classes in which boys were taught the anatomy of women and also the fact that sex is not meant as a selfish “let me get mine “ act, but a give and take in which they should consider the satisfaction of their partner. If boys were taught to view girls as human beings with the same sexual urges as they have and to understand that sex is more fulfilling when it is reciprocal, I like to think that we would have less violent sex towards girls and less degrading scenarios in which girls are used as sperm receptacles and nothing more.

What one would then hope to cultivated in young people is a mutual desire to see the other fulfilled and therefore sexual experiences that take into account what another might find unacceptable, desirable or downright painful.

Many boys first encounter with sex is through watching porn, which has become more and more violent in its depictions of women. If this is where boys are learning about sex between men and women, and girls are being taught that their sole purpose in life is to give pleasure to their future husbands, then is it any wonder that boys don’t really know what rape is and girls think that once a boy is turned on then they have to consummate the sex act whether they like it or not?

My point is this: we cannot teach young people what rape is unless and until we teach them what is NOT rape. Until there is a clear understanding that women are sexual beings with the same needs and desires as men, then the culture in which women are brutalized for male satisfaction will continue. Until a woman understands that it is critical that she knows her body and knows what turns her on before she places herself in the hands of another, then she is at risk of becoming victim to what the other thinks is good sex, and this is a standard over which she will have no control.

Until boys are socialized to see that it is normal, acceptable and desirable to show an open interest in issues affecting women, then we continue to breed men who have no understanding of what it is to be a woman and therefore have no empathy for what women need or do not want. Until society stops mocking and vilifying boys for enjoying what are considered feminine pursuits and until society breaks down the gender stereotypes that define maleness as aggressive, non-crying, non- emotional, hard and tough, then women will always be vulnerable to men who do not have the ability to step into their shoes and get a feel for what violence does to a woman. Until society stops creating these gender distinctions whereby “girls cry, girls are weak and fragile”, then once again women remain vulnerable to the brutish boys we are breeding.

 

I think one of the most important issues to come out of the OBR campaign is that of authentic sex education, and initiation rituals that edify and strengthen the position of girls rather than weaken and cripple them, rendering them victims before they have even begun their sexual lives. Female genital mutilation is one such initiation practice and it has to GO!! It serves absolutely no purpose other than to remove that which would give a girl or woman sexual pleasure, thereby denying her this basic and fundamental biological right forever. There is nothing more heart breaking than to meet a woman of my age who has had 3 children but has never had an orgasm, or even a tremor. There is nothing more demoralizing than to meet 17 year olds who dread their first sex act because they have been infibulated and live with a visceral fear of marriage and bearing children. I meet these women every week and every week I hear variations to the same horrific stories about lives damaged by FGM.

 

 

As we tackle the issue of rape, let us also work to educate girls and boys about sex and reciprocity before the porn industry with its current objectification and degradation of women gets to them and sets the standard. We cannot lose our children to violence and if we do not get in with good education as parents, mentors community leaders and schools, then violence against women and the broken men that perpetrate the violence are here to stay.

 Oh and perhaps we need a new name to replace the word masturbation. How about: Self- centric pleasure?

 

 

 

To the Man who wrote “Things Fall Apart”

A humble tribute to Chinua Achebe

 

To you sir, it was just a book, a novel telling a story of an Africa that once was, an Africa that was populated with dignified people, who had structure, knowledge, medicine, wisdom and who inhabited a land that was of their birth. To you sir, it was an account of what might have been; of a time when our communities were structured by who we were and what we believed, before the great and calamitous invasion. I thank you for this. You told a story, but to me it was more than that. For me it was THE STORY that changed everything.

 



 To me sir, Things Fall Apart was the mirror that was held to my face, a mirror which showed me an image of myself that was far different from the image in my head: the one in which I was a poor dirty black African who stank, who was of lesser intelligence and therefore had to have white people oversee me. The Image that was drummed into my head of a me that was clumsy, ineloquent, inherently stupid and backward. That depiction of me as “lucky” to have been saved, fortunate to be in an all white school instead of a group B school eating weevil- infested beans and sadza everyday. Things fall apart stirred a deep ancient memory in me, and kept stirring the more I read, it rattled at the scales before my eyes until they started to fall off gradually in bits and pieces, so that I could truly see what had happened to me, to us, to the continent of Africa. Where I had been led to believe that Africans were very lucky that white people came, I began to see that tragic effects of colonization. Where I was told there was ugliness and “paganism” in our faces names and traditions, I began to see beauty, wealth depth and true spirituality. Where I had heard the word inept over and over again I began to hear the words, intellectual, scientist, writer, doctor, lawyer….human being.

Things Fall Apart was my Bible. I read it and gently, lovingly tenderly I was born again. Things Fall Apart marked the beginning of my re education, my coming of age, my awakening. I began to dig and to search for other such books. I was thirsty for more images of myself as fully human, fully alive, and therefore full entitled to exist and to live just like other human beings.

Thank you for giving me Okwonkwo, who taught me that to die with dignity is better than to live in shame and humiliation. Thank you for his indomitable spirit, because though I did not know it at 14, I would need this same spirit later on in life. Thank you for Nwoye, who taught me that artistry, a gentle spirit and distaste for blood- letting are not signs of weakness. Thank you for the egwugwu, who reminded me that there is a continuum that begins before birth and carries on after death, and that death is but just another milestone on that continuum. This gave me courage to venture to places and spaces I would not have otherwise dared to even think about. The ancestors were with me, I lived to tell the tale.

Thank you for clothing mother Africa in garments befitting her stature, garments woven from the most beautiful and lyrical words. Thank you for lifting her up along with her children and emboldening all of us to tell our myriad stories and to reclaim ourselves. Thank you for those garments that restored her dignity and enabled her to stand among other mother nations, owning her faults and flaunting her iridescent beauty.

Daalu, Nna, Thank you for it all. RIP.

On International Women’s Day- “Uhuru” not yet here

Happy women’s day, happy, happy international women’s day, ad neauseam….

Thank you very much for whoever was benevolent enough to give us a women’s day. Yes I am sure someone gave it to us and we should be grateful for this. However Uhuru is yet to come for the women of this world. See, I would rather have reduction of rape, equal pay, eradication of sexist practices in places of work and schools, state assisted childcare for working mothers, respect, a voice that is not tethered to some patriarchal structure that dictates what I say or how I say it.

 

 I would rather have men who do not tolerate male to female violence. I would sooner courts and justice systems treat women fairly in issues of divorce. I would rather men not cheat and bring horrible diseases to their wives. I would sooner we get rid of pedophiles: rich men who demand sex in exchange for cheap trinkets and a cell phone, robbing 10 and 12 year olds of a future. I would rather have men stop seeing women's bodies as their play things, or as their reproductive machinery.



 

 I would trade  a million international women’s days for those things . However, since we have been given this day, happy women’s day to all the vagina warriors, all those who take care of their families against all odds. Thank you for continuously and consistently reminding the world that we exist and that our beauty and power and myriad gifts are absolutely necessary for the survival of mankind…when that awakening happens en masse, UHURU will be here.



 

But in the meantime we shall DANCE!!!!

 

 

 

On Navel- Gazing Arm Chair Critics

 

I am one who is all for constructive criticism and the whole notion of interrogating even those ideas, institutions or beliefs that we hold firmly. It is also vital to scrutinize programs and campaigns that fall into the area of activism, social justice, human rights and development because there have been many abuses documented over years and years, by organizations purporting to “help” vulnerable people. These abuses have led many, particularly in the developing world- in places like Africa- to become skeptical of those who hail from western countries in the name of “development”. I have blogged about the issue before and some of the reasons surrounding the skeptism particularly where women and girls are concerned. The post is here. The issue of what motivates an individual or an organization to leave their homeland with its unsolved problems and head to “help out” in the developing world is one many intellectuals, scholars, feminists, students, economists and politicians have discussed ad nauseam. In many cases unfortunately there are ulterior motives tied to donor funding and development agencies which go to developing countries and spend years working on an issue with no tangible results to show for it.

Therefore the skepticism around One Billion Rising as a campaign comes as no surprise at all, and it seems to me to be a good thing. Many legitimate questions have been raised thanks to this campaign: many have questioned whether it makes a mockery of those who have been raped and abused because of its central modus operandus which is dance. Others have questioned how effective such a campaign might be, given that it is a one day affair. These questions need asking and they also need answers.

Certainly the OBR campaign is by no means a be all and end all to domestic violence and rape. In fact that is not the mission of this campaign. The mission is to create a heightened awareness, such as the world has never seen in order that rape and VAW become a front and center issue rather than a marginalized “women’s issue”. The increasingly brutal forms of violence such as rape and post-rape mutilation of females and the regular use of rape as a weapon of war indicate a rapid move towards the normalization of violence against women and as such a more radical approach to campaigning against this tidal wave of violence that threatens to cause irrevocable damage to societies that in many ways are already broken is urgently needed. Dance is used in this campaign because it is a radical form of protest. Its radicalism lies in the fact that dancing requires that an individual takes control of their body and channels their inner energy into moving that body as they choose or as the music moves them to. This is radical because for the majority of women their bodies belong to someone else, either through cultural rituals and practices or through societal pressures and conditioning. Women’s bodies are rarely allowed to exist for their own purpose. They are either reproductive machines, owned by the men in their lives as beast of burden or sex machines or psychologically enslaved through brainwashing media which reinforces certain standards that define women’s bodies as beautiful or ugly. Dance is one occasion that women can fully own their bodies and dance illicits joy and initiates healing.

What I describe here about OBR is not new. Therefore it is quite disingenuous when women like Marelise Van Der Mewe decide to vent their personal issues with Eve Ensler by rubbishing a campaign that she herself could not, with all her narrow mindedness and smug privilege, have envisioned. She begins her “vapid” piece thus: ‘It’s a celebrity-endorsed attempt to get a billion activists worldwide to take part in a choreographed dance to end rape. The trouble is, it’s got bugger-all to do with rape at all. And it’s unlikely to achieve anything, either.’ This statement alone is fallacy because OBR is not about getting people to dance to a choreographed piece at all. In fact in her own home country, there are communities that will not be doing the OBR dance or reading any of the poems that have been suggested. She is wrong again on the issue of OBR not achieving anything. She is unaware of the conversations and ideas that have been borne as people gathered to get ready for the event on the 14^th. The event is a culmination of months of sharing talking, and looking for practical solutions to make a difference in people’s lives. Men are getting together to form community based groups to push for progressive masculinities. Yes men are taking an active part in this issue and this includes educating their children about respect not only for women but for life in general. In another community, activists are working with the police for the creation of victim- sensitive police units to deal with victims of rape, from writing a statement, submitting evidence and identification of victims as a way to make it easier for women to report rape. I could go on, however I think the post OBR era will have numerous examples of just what this campaign has ignited in terms of real and lasting change.

Less advocacy more action!

Van der Mewe’s concerns may have been legitimate, were it not for her bellicose rants against Ensler and V-Day. What is quite shocking to me is that her dislike for Ensler is so deep that she does not bother to do much research about what V-day has done for the last 15 years with the money that the organization has raised. A simple Google search would have given her some insight into the work with women in the Congo, work with women and girls facing female genital mutilation and work with girls in South Africa. However in her volatile emotional state she quickly jots down some hogwash about no one knowing what V-day does with its money. Get real! She fails to conceal her ire , stating that only 56 people have registered for the event in the whole of South Africa! Look who is totally out of touch with reality. If she had her finger to the pulse of South Africa she would have noted that there are thousands who have been working tirelessly in communities across the country in order to have this event. She is clueless as to what victims of VAW and rape need or feel or think about this campaign, because if she were not, she would have realized that those who are mobilizing are the ones whose communities are most badly affected by poverty and violence. many of them have been raped or experienced domestic violence. Of course she would not know this, and if she did I doubt she would care. Her rather patronizing prescription- do as I do, blah blah blah- as she reels of a list of "things one can do about the issue of rape" as though she has done something amazing, is quite laughable. This, from the woman who has just railed against armchair activism. She openly states that she dislikes Eve Ensler and anything she touches. In other words: whether OBR has its merits or not, it doesn't matter because she chooses not to see them. How mature. show us the records that indicate a "lack of transparency" where V-Day and its funding is concerned. Her diatribe can be found here.  A well researched article written by Gillian Schutte on Eve Ensler and the work that V-Day has done can be found   here.

 

City of Joy, DRC.

What might interest her is that in the Congo and elsewhere, women who have been gang raped beaten, lost family members and should in her books be lying in some corner waiting to die are DANCING!!! Yes they are going to dance and enjoy themselves because in that joy lies freedom to be themselves finally despite all the trauma they have faced. Merilene might like to try dancing. It is liberating, and maybe she will befriend her vagina and finally be able to disclose to the world her sexual orientation. Ensler does not reduce women to their vaginas but rather uses the vagina as a way to disempower reductionist patriarchy in which women matter only in so far as they have a functional vagina. By having women get in touch with their bodies and reclaim their sexuality, Ensler has been able to change many women’s view of their sexual and reproductive health and their overall health also.

The bottom line is this: Women who take cheap underhanded pot shots at other women who are actually doing something in this world to better our lot, really suck. Former United states secretary of State, Madeline Albright, once said there is a special kind of hell awaiting this kind of woman. I really hope so, because it is women like this who set us back in our efforts to dismantle patriarchal structures that keep us all in chains. What is even worse are those women who themselves are doing absolutely nothing practical to further the cause, other than complain and whine about existential/ ideological/ personal issues they have with  OBR and or Eve Ensler. Women who personalize issues rather than be objective and analytical in their assessment before passing judgment are nothing more than a nuisance and a distraction. Please go away quietly and let those of us who understand OBR and who are truly passionate about getting rid of VAW do so in peace.

By the way this piece is not in defence of Eve Ensler, but it is in defense to a record of a body of work that has benefited thousands of women, me included. If Marelise Van der Mewe can show us a record of her work,any work, then I might be impressed. As its stands I think her poorly articulated “issues” with OBR are just a personal rant full of baseless claims which leave her looking like nothing more than a mean spirited individual with serious issues vis-a-vis her vagina or 'women's bits' as she calls it. “Sour grapes” Marelise!

 

When we blame the victim

 

I have to get something off my chest today. Having spent the last 4 months working on the One Billion Rising Campaign, and having seen some things and heard some things that honestly I wish I had never seen or heard, I am at a point where I am extremely sensitive on the issue of rape and violence against women. I am of the mind that we as human beings are just not outraged enough by what is going on every day, every minute, every second around the globe. I am of the mind that we are not disgusted enough that girls and women are getting raped then gratuitously mutilated, cut up, disemboweled and left for dead. I am fed up with people who will try to sideline the issue by stating that “women rape too” or that men also suffer abuse at the hands of women. I do not dispute this fact at all and I am concerned about that also. However, when you show me stories of men being gang raped by women then cut up and left lying in pools of their own blood, then maybe I will champion the cause of violence against men as vociferously as I talk about the fact that 1 in 3 women on this planet will experience rape or violence in her lifetime. When the statistics for female- on- male violence come anywhere near as close to the stats for male- on- female violence then I will sit up and do something about that also. However for now, I choose to focus on the war against the feminine which has gone unchecked for centuries. I choose to Rise up against the Patriarchal structure that has allowed this madness, this atrocity against my own kind to grow into a huge cancerous mass that is consuming us steadily. What this means is that I have zero tolerance for anyone who dares to blame the victim of rape, or who blames the females in the victim’s life. Let’s get real here: rape and violence against women happens no matter what a woman is wearing or where she chooses to go. Women in Afghanistan who are completely covered up save their eyes are raped daily, and then executed for getting raped. That act of execution is placing the blame of rape squarely on the victim’s shoulders and she pays for her own rape with her life.

I am bothered by the discourse surrounding the brutal rape and disembowelment of seventeen year old Anene Booysen( here) in which some people are asking why she was out that late in a tavern. Or where was her mother? Implicit in these questions is blame, it was her fault that she was out late at night or it was her mother’s fault that her daughter was out late and got raped. Just to illustrate how flawed this kind of thinking is, there is another recent story. A 15 year old girl in Chicago was taking trash out when a car pulled up, dragged her in and she was taken to a home where she was gang raped by three men for hours (here). Who do we blame for this girl’s abduction and rape? Whose fault is it that she was taking the garbage out to the trash can? Why must women live in perpetual fear and change their behaviors when they are NOT the ones committing rape?

 

Rape is never the victim’s fault or anyone’s fault but the rapist. Subtle language that insinuates that the victim or someone other than the perpetrator of the crime is to blame is part of the reason we are not angry enough about this issue. When we fully accept that rape is a violent crime and that those who rape should face the full extent of the law (by law here, I mean either jungle justice on the streets or the courts of law).

I remember a time when a man would get beaten up by other men if he dared to beat his wife either in public or in private. Women knew to scream blue murder because someone would come to their rescue. Now it seems that men will form a mob to humiliate and to encourage the rape or beating of a woman in broad daylight. There are numerous stories of women in Harare being stripped naked by mobs of men for wearing a mini skirt. Yesterday I watched a video of a group of about 8 men beating up two girls for stealing a bottle of wine. Earlier this year I watched a video of a Nigerian girl beaten up and stripped naked for stealing a cell phone. What is seen in the videos is the sexual humiliation of stripping the women down to their underwear or totally divesting them of all clothing and kicking their legs apart. These men video tape their atrocities and share them with the world. What happened? When did the streets we walk on become war zones for women? What is the difference in terms of safety between a woman in Harare or Johannesburg and a woman in a remote part of the Congo? Nothing because in both cases these women can be gang raped, with impunity for the perpetrators. In both cases these women are not safe and their womanhood places them at risk for assault.

 

 

We need to be angry and the decent men need to express more outrage at this violation of the feminine. Men need to step up, and be heard speaking unequivocally against the violation of their mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, colleagues and children. When good men are silent and remain uninvolved then they are sending a message of endorsement to this sickness. Yes, in your silence you are all complicit and perhaps you can live with the fact that the women most precious to you are at high risk for being violated. If you cannot accept this then you need to be heard and you need to RISE! When enough men Rise and pitch their voices with those of the feminine, this madness will stop. If this does not happen, then policies will not change, the law and penalties will not be enforced and the rot will get worse and deeper. Men need to challenge every circumstance where a woman is harassed or degraded in their presence. They should be affronted by this and they should become intolerant of misogynistic comments among their friends and colleagues. They should shame their fellow men who talk trash about women in the name of “locker room banter”. The words expressed by people often reveal the darkness hidden in their hearts and given an opportunity, many will act on their dark thoughts. When they are shamed for this and made face the ugliness that they harbor, perhaps they will find it that much harder to act out those things.  And if they do go ahead and rape then there should be swift, effective application of the law, such that the perpetrator and potential perpetrators will be shocked out of their sick spiral towards hurting women.

The more we allow rape and violence to go unpunished the more desensitized society becomes and the more normalized it becomes. To remain sensitized we need to have ZERO tolerance towards rape and violence against women. ZERO tolerance means NEVER ever blaming the victim ever.

 

Tribute to Damini

The Muse for Women is a group of poets who write about the social condition of women around the world and seek to conscientize people around issues of Violence against women. The last few months I have been immersed in activities around women's issues and engaged in conversations about how violence against women can no longer continue unchallenged. From the US presidential campaign and the Republican push to reverse reproductive rights, the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), to the unintelligent remarks about women and rape to the censure of a female Michigan politician for saying the word vagina in an address to the House, I have followed closely. The situation of women in other parts of the world, from Zimbabwe to India, from Egypt to China is clearly sub standard as far as violence is concerned. The stories of gang rape of women in the Congo and in Syria, where rape is a weapon of war are enough to send one spiralling into depression. However the story that shook many of us and made us heart sick was the story of Damini, the 23 year old Indian medical student who was brutalized on a bus by six men and left for dead. The story can be found here. The Muse for Women decided to put together an anthology around the theme of violence against women as a tribute for 23 year old Damini. I was asked by one of the editors to contribute a poem and I am sharing an excerpt with you.

In two weeks on February 14, the campaign One Billion Rising, a global call to Rise, Strike and Dance as a way to create a heightened awareness to gender based violence will come to its climax. I have been a part of the journey towards this grand finale of global mobilization where different groups the world over will hold events in their communities. more information can be found here.
The request for a poem by Muse for Women was just what I needed to deal with the turmoil that daily, relentless exposure to the horrors of violence against women can stir. So thank you Muse for Women for this outlet for our pain which we exorcised in poetry! Here is an excerpt From Brute on my Body. Acerbic Anthology will be out in the next few days and details where to purchase will follow.







 

A wasteland of war.

Battlefield my body. Weapons of mass violation,

 Diabolical drones pierce the sky of my soul.

They throttle the laughter of my joy,

And darken the portal to my ecstasy.

Thieves pillage my orchard of sweet solace,

And spit shards of agony into the universe.

Constellations crash and burn while

The brute on my body

Lays my soul a wasteland of war.

 

Earth will revolt and regurgitate

 The grimy grizzle of war.

The putrid odor of warlords

On her body, my body, our bodies

Will be washed away in defiant tears

And mutinous sweat;

Her sweat, my sweat, our sweat.

 

She will Rise, Resist and Strike

Down the stalwart bastions built

On our blood and bones

For our own oppression and violation.

We will dance again.

Barbara Mhangami –Ruwende, 2012