Young African Woman of Note- Lily Foglabenchi Haritu- Cameroon

Lily Foglabenchi Haritu

Every month I shall be doing a special feature on young women on the African Continent who are doing amazing work for their communities quietly. I am doing this because very often these are the women who do not get local or international media attention, nor do they have any desire to. They are doing what they do out of a sense of responsibility and they are passionate about service. Many serve in some of the most remote and underserved areas of the continent and they do so with energy and compassion. I also want to illustrate and debunk the fallacy that African women are not empowered and to highlight the kind of women that development agencies can employ in communities in Africa where cultural sensitivity is critical for real and lasting positive social change.

I met Lily on a friend’s wall on Face Book. I was chatting away in pidgin one day, and she responded with great humor to a comment I had made. There was something about this young woman that drew me to her. I therefore sent her a friend request and after she responded, I began to look through her pictures and to ask her about herself. I saw pictures of her in a remote village and asked her what she did for a living. To my surprise she informed me that she was a health worker and that she ran a mobile clinic in Kenya where she did preventive care and education in rural communities. I was very impressed with this young woman in her mid twenties, who rather than stay in the big cities as most young women would do, she was in the “bush”, working there and loving it! She endears herself to the locals and lives among them as one of them, thereby breaking down barriers that would make her work impossible.

It was not a surprise to discover that Lily is also very spiritual and a Christian. Her serenity and radiant joy seemed to emanate from her deep convictions. It was refreshing to meet a young woman who lives out her faith and who does not spend time trying to convince others of her goodness. She is an authentic Christian and this is manifest in her humility and non- judgmental outlook. Her ability to engage in social issues in a thoughtful manner is rare for someone her age. I present to you Lily Favour as she is known to her friends, and known to me as ‘my Beautiful Lily of the valley’. A phenomenal young woman of great beauty, both inside and out.

 

Lily is a young dynamic Sexual and Reproductive Health (SRH) specialist who is committed to promoting women’s sexual and reproductive health and rights with an interest in building a body of research and leadership in the field. She is the Supervisor of the Women’s Health Program of the Cameroon Baptist Convention Health Services (CBCHS) based in four main hospitals and three health centers in six of the ten regions of Cameroon. In this position, she has been involved in the provision of Women’s Health Services to Women and girls at stationary clinics and rural mobile clinics as far as the Equatorial rainforest of Central Africa and the Cameroon-Nigeria border in Abongshie. Her dynamic and innovative efforts have summed up to over 12000 women and 7000 girls reached with a variety of sexual and girls at stationary clinics and rural mobile clinics as far as the Equatorial rainforest of Central Africa and the Cameroon-Nigeria border in Abongshie. Her dynamic and innovative efforts have summed up to over 12000 women and 7000 girls reached with a variety of sexual and reproductive health services like; Family Planning, syndromic management of reproductive tract infections, breast and cervical cancer screening, treatment of cervical precancerous lesions, Human Papilomavirus Vaccination, clinical assessment of sexually assaulted women and girls, sexuality education and counseling, woman centered abortion care and HIV/AIDS counseling and testing.

 

 

  

As far as Lily is concerned, Women’s Health and Safety plays a key role in human development and economic growth and she is stopping at nothing to ensure that this is realized in the lives of the women and girls she serves on a daily basis. She holds a Bachelor of Nursing Science degree with honours from the University of Buea, Cameroon and Global Health Certificates in Gender, Sexual and Reproductive Health from the Global Health e-Learning Centre Coordinated by USAID and Johns Hopkins University, USA.

Lily's understanding of the importance of respect for culture and for elders has permitted her to go into territories where women as a rule do not address men, and where bringing in new ways that seem to threaten the normal way of life is viewed with suspicion. Her charm and non -confrontational approach has led her to some amazing places, where health education for women is needed. Below Lily is showing deference to the king in one of the areas she works. She understands that paying the elders due respect will open the door to the women in the community, so that she can do what she needs to do.

In 2011, she represented her country as a delegate and speaker at the 1st Global Summit for Women’s Cancers in Africa, Addis Abba, where she presented lessons learned from cervical cancer prevention initiatives in Cameroon. Lily was the youngest delegate there representing her country Cameroon. This is a testament of this young woman’s sense of duty and passion for the health and well being of African women and her mentors have identified unique leadership qualities that mark Lily out from among her peers and those who are older and more experienced than she is.

 

 





She also offers part time lectures on Women’s Health at the Private Training School for Health Personnel, Banso. Lily Favour is a 2011 Sexuality Leadership and Development Fellow (Lagos, Nigeria), who seeks to interrogate contemporary sexuality issues and emerging best practices that advocate for right based SRH programming in Africa.

Lily Favour has been named one of the top 25 emerging young African leaders by the Moremi Initiative and has received the Moremi Initiative for Women’s Leadership in Africa (MILEAD) Fellowship Award. She will be among the 2012 class of Africa's most outstanding emerging women leaders that will be converging for a women’s leadership summer institute in Ghana. Lily features on the top 25 out of the more than 1200 applicants from 41 countries. This is again another indication of Lily’s remarkable leadership qualities and a testament of her trajectory to greatness.

 

 



Below are pictures of Lily in her "luxury apartment" on one of her visits to a remote area, preparing her "gourmet dinner"! She will do whatever it takes to get to reach these women with whom she totally identifies.

 



To me, Lily is an example of a young woman who has made the most of all opportunities that have come her way, not only for her own personal gain, but for the greater good of her community and country. I applaud you my beautiful Lily of the Valley. May your beauty and fragrant perfume gently touch the lives of those in your care and I hope that you will be an inspiration to other young women in your community, country and in Africa. Our continent is very fortunate to have you as one of her own. Look how the little ones follow you already!

 

Below is a quote from Lily's wall:

Go to the people
Live among them
Learn from them
Love them
Start with what they know
Build on what they have:
But of the best leaders
When their task is done
The people will remark -Chinese Proverb

 

 

 

 

Young African Woman of Note: Lerato Ramaili Ramaholi, Lesotho

Lerato Ramaili Ramaholi

 



The optimist

I met Lerato in September of 2013 in Johannesburg, South Africa. She was with a group of young activists who were on a leadership training course. We met for dinner along with activists from Swaziland, Zimbabwe, Malawi and Zambia to discuss the One Billion Rising for Justice campaign. We only had a little over an hour together, but Lerato was one of the activists who would hunt me down incessantly to ask me to explain the vision of the campaign to her so that she could bring it into her community.

 

 Lerato is a young women’s rights activist from Lesotho. She graduated from the National University of Lesotho in 2011 where she received her Bachelor of Laws Degree (LLB).

 Her passion to become an activist began in 2009 when she studied Gender and Law. In her final year of LLB, she wrote a dissertation on the topic, “A Critical Appraisal of the Gender and Development Policy 2003 in the Context of Equality of Opportunity and Treatment in the Lesotho Labour Market.” It was through this work that she was able to scrutinize various laws and policies existent in the country to determine whether or not they accommodate working women. The research was prompted by the realization that women unlike their male counterparts have different needs caused by their gender and sex roles. For example; the burden of family responsibilities caused by gender and maternity due to their sex. She then discovered that the laws and policies continue to discriminate against women thereby denying them equal opportunities in the work environment. She took this as a challenge for her to engage in advocacy and lobbying for the laws and policies that favour women politically, socially and economically. 

In 2013 Lerato volunteered at Women and Law in Southern Africa Research and Education Trust where she worked as a Legal Pogrammes Officer and a Lawyer for a year. This organisation is the only feminist organisation in the country ran by women. She gained experience in advocacy and lobbying strategies and worked very closely with women in the communities.  She had the opportunity to attend a number of trainings such as the National Feminism course and the Train the Trainer workshop on Feminism and Organizational Development by OSISA.

In 2014, she became a director and a co-founder of a young women and girl’s organisation called Development and Leadership Centre which seeks to empower young women in every manner possible with emphasis on economic and sexual abuse. The founding of this organization was inspired by the realization that there was a need to create a place where young women could go to get assistance when faced with violence and where they could be supported. The organization, though young is dedicated to supporting victims of violence and to ensure that justice is served until the scourge of violence against women ends.
In February this year she coordinated a one Billion Rising for Justice event for young women of Lesotho and came to realize that there is a lot to do. The testimonies shared that day revealed that rape is prevalent amongst young women in Lesotho.





 In May this year she facilitated on the countrywide feminism forum in Lesotho which was intended to increase feminist leadership in young women and girls in the communities. Through her organization, she coordinated the #BringBackOurGirls campaign in Lesotho.



Lerato is an amazing young woman who is so passionate about ending violence against women that at 7/8 months pregnant she would walk all over her community doing outreach and door to door activism, educating young women about their rights.  She is determined to see young women and girls assuming leadership roles, contributing to and benefiting equally in the development of her country and African continent.
Thank you for all your amazing work Lerato. You are a true leader and your passion for mentorship and educating young women is what we need for a better, safer future where women and girls thrive. Despite the hardships you continue to do this important work never complaining and always with enthusiasm. You truly are your sisters' keeper. This blog is my humble salute to you mama Victor!

 

Young African Woman of Note: Thenjiwe Sibongiseni Mswane, South Africa

Thenjiwe Sibongiseni Mswane- South Africa

 Roaring Lioness

 





 An email came into my inbox in March this year from a young woman named Thenjiwe. Thenjiwe, who was in the United Kingdom had just participated in the One Billion Rising for Justice (OBRJ) 2014 campaign in February in London. In her email she expresses great passion about getting involved with the campaign and stated that she was moving back to South Africa. At the time I was in Zimbabwe and When I got back to the United States we had a Skype call that went on for over 2 hours. It was clear to me then that Thenjiwe was energetic and genuinely desired to see violence against women in South Africa come to an end. It was also clear that Thenjiwe was a self motivated young woman who was an activist at heart. I would discover that like many of the young activists I have had the honor of knowing, Thenji works from her heart which she allows to feel deeply. She moves from instinct and as such she moves to where she feels she is needed most. She leads from her heart also and the ability to be compassionate and generous with her resources and her time is what distinguishes her among her peers and draws them close to her.

 

At 24 years old, Thenji is an accomplished young woman. She holds degrees in anthropology and human rights law. Her efforts to end violence against women and girls date back several years to when she was a high school student. then she was active within the student body, talking to her peers, both boys and girls about the damage caused by sexual violence and rape.

 

During her years at Rhodes University, Thenji continued her activism for the safety of girls on campus. she was voted the Rhodes University top 100 students for community work (activism ).

Sadly Thenji's years at Rhodes were marred by the rape and death of some of her close friends, something which continues to haunt her today. The death of her friends galvanized her to work harder to end the scourge of rape that characterizes life for young women in South Africa. Thenjiwe was also a Youth of Choice #Champion for Change#,  who assisted newly matriculated students to find their way to their university classes. She used her expertise and motivation to assist students overcome obstacles as difficult as not being accepted to the course of their choice.

 

My first encounter with Thenji the activist was in May when we stood in solidarity with our Nigerian sisters to demand the return of over 200 school girls abducted at night from a boarding school in Chibok by Boko Haram, a terrorist group that has wreaked havoc in Northern Nigeria. Even before the call to action went out, Thenji and her southern African sisters had already mounted a powerful social media campaign using the hashtag #BringBackOurGirls. Sisters in Lesotho, Swaziland, Zimbabwe coordinated a demonstrations that took place on the streets and outside the Nigerian embassies in these countries. Johannesburg, Cape town and Grahams town witnessed Risings for the girls of Chibok organized by Thenji and other passionate activists. The social media campaign continued unabated and we kept the sisters in Nigeria energized by tagging them to all the actions that were going on across the African continent. Thenji surprised her sister and fellow activist Nyasha Sengayi by showing up in Harare for a community dialogue about the security of girls in schools.

 

 

 

Last week Thenjiwe organized the 8th  Annual silent protests for the end to rape and sexual violence.

The powerful images from the protests require no explanation. However what these images demonstrate to me is the absolute necessity for South Africa to Rise up and work in whatever ways are possible to end rape and the epidemic of violence against women in the country.

Young activists like Thenjiwe are in this struggle because they realize that this is about their very survival and unless they lead revolutions and cause transformation then they are in danger and so are the women who will come after them.  The call to the rest of us is to support encourage and capacitate these young leaders and to be a community from which they draw on for their work.

This blog is to celebrate you Thenjiwe this women's month and to thank you for your dedication to a cause which many of your age would rather have nothing to do with. Thank you for answering YES to the call and for leading by example. I bow! Ngiyabonga daughter of the soil!

 



Count Jeffrey Grimshaw- Rape is NOT a Joke! An Open Letter

 

Dear Count Jeffrey Grimshaw

I hear that you are an  Emmy winning television executive who finds rape/ sexual assault humorous. In fact not only did I hear this, I have seen it for myself on your Face book wall. This is the article you posted, and below are screen shots of subsequent comments you posted.

 

Count Grimshaw, disappointing as it is that a man of your standing would be so callous arrogant and misogynistic, it comes as no surprise. You see in my line of work I meet all kinds of misogynists, men whose hatred for women manifests in all sorts of hideous ways.  The ones who display their disdain for the feminine with the smug arrogance of privilege are the ones who are the worst. Mr. Grimshaw you can giggle and make fun of one of the worst crimes against women because you believe it is your right to do so, and you are able do so with impunity. You believe that your privilege insulates you from the basic rules of living in community with others in the world because if this were not the case you would not have posted this article and then proceed to ribald your friends with crass remarks shown here in these screen shots. Mr. Grimshaw you do not even have common decency to apologize to the woman who calls you out on your disgusting behavior, but instead you big up your sidekick who proceeds to ridicule the woman. To the man who writes that you should be ashamed of yourself and gives you an ultimatum to apologize and remove the post, you write: Challenge accepted. This is where your utter disrespect for women is in full display and totally nauseating. That you view the request for an apology as a game, a wager, typifies the levity with which you treat the sexual assault of a woman and perhaps all women.

 

You state in one comment that it is the circumstances that you find giggle- worthy. The circumstances are that a young woman was sexually assaulted in her sleep on a plane, by another male whose privilege- based sense of entitlement allowed him to molest a sleeping woman. He, like you, believed he would get away with it and for a couple of years it looked like he would. Like you, he thought nothing of the trauma and untold pain that comes with being violated. he gave no thought to the shame, guilt and physical and mental health issues that would be spawned by his singular. Who knows, maybe he did think of these things and perhaps it was his intention to cause harm. But even if it was not his intention, the fact that he crossed the boundary of integrity and common decency to put his hand into her panties and fondle her, shows a level of depravity, similar to yours as you continue to giggle at the “circumstances” of this story. The circumstances are that she was crying and visibly shaking as she recounted what happened to the stewardesses. This doesn’t move you to empathy but you giggle instead. Sexual assault is NOT funny Mr. Grimshaw. NOTHING about this situation is even remotely funny and your lack of compassion for the women asking you to end this thread is despicable. You, sir, are a huge part of the problem women face on a daily basis as we go about our lives. You are part of the cat- calling, slut-shaming, locker room smack-talking culture that diminishes women's self worth by objectifying them. Men like you who laugh at women being assaulted are part of the reason the problem of sexual assault, rape, beating and ultimately femicide are happening at alarming rates world- wide. People like you assist in the normalization of rape/ sexual assault and the idea that women’s bodies are playthings for men or battle fields upon which wars for minerals, territory and the protection of fragile male egos are waged.

 

To put it into a more global perspective for you Mr. Grimshaw, I in 3 women will be beaten or raped/ assaulted in her life time. That is one billion women on this planet. Those are UN statistics and cases are probably under reported. Probably 50% of women on this planet have experienced some form of gender- based violence. Also just to enlighten you a bit on what is going on around the world regarding violence against women: In South Africa, many lesbians live in fear of being gang raped in a horrible practice called corrective rape. In parts of India women do not venture outside for fear of gangs of marauders who roam the streets looking for women to rape. In the United States army, women are sexually assaulted and victimized further when they report the incidences to higher ranking officers. In colleges and universities in the United States, women are assaulted with impunity and many are advised not to press charges because all the institutions seem to care about is their reputation and how any stories of sexual assault on their campuses may affect enrolment. Babies as young as 2 months are raped, children are trafficked for sex and subjected to untold horrors at the hands of pedophiles, old women in their 80’s have their bones shattered by brutes so vile that they will rape the elderly. In Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, United Kingdom, Italy, Nigeria, and every single country in the world, women are violated with impunity.  And it is in this mess that you decide to make jokes about a woman who was assaulted. You state that your wife was assaulted and that she giggled when you showed her the story. Well that does not legitimize your behavior and neither does it erase the pain that your post has caused many survivors of rape and sexual assault. Posts like yours can result in triggering in women who have been assaulted causing them to relive the pain of the assault. This can be debilitating for many survivors particularly if the comments trivialize the assault and make a mockery of the victim. Posts like yours may also cause women not to report assault for fear of ridicule if the story gets to the media. Imagine how this young woman feels if she has seen your post, which is possible since it has been up for over 24 hours and you continue to post horrible comments.

On a more personal note Mr. Grimshaw: How would you feel if the women in your life were fingered by a pervert on a flight to somewhere while they slept? How would you feel if your daughter, sister or aunt came to you quivering like a leaf. to tell you that a total stranger had molested them? Would you giggle then, and tell them to get over it; that the "circumstances" are what you were finding funny? How then would you proceed to explain what the "circumstances" were? These circumstances that were so hilarious that you overlook the hurt and tears in their eyes? Do you get it at all, My. Grimshaw? Do you understand how totally and utterly wrong your so called joke is?

Mr. Grimshaw I have no expectation that an apology from someone like you will be sincere. Men like you don’t apologize. You make excuses for your mean –spirited attempt at humor. You have stated that you do not care and if laughing at the “circumstances” of this assault makes you a misogynist then so be it. Well, you are a misogynist, an arrogant, insensitive individual with absolutely no Ubuntu (look it up). Be that as it may I do ask- like others have asked of you several times already-   that you apologize to all the women who have been hurt by your post. You have taken it down but only because you were given an ultimatum. You owe women an apology.

 

 What I expect will happen is that this letter will go viral on social media and you will become famous for these admirable qualities you embody and so flagrantly flaunt. I expect your colleagues and family members will see this too and be very proud of your work in the last 24 hours.

I hope that women who have seen your nastiness and have been affected by it may get some measure of comfort when they see that there are people who will stand up for what is right and call out people like you. Men who think rape and sexual assault of women is funny are perpetrators. I put it to you that if you are able to find humor in the violation of another you are capable of violating. Think about that Count Grimshaw and if you truly cannot connect all the dots on this issue, get help! Jason Jayology from Price of Silence, tank you for directing us to this issue. 

 

On Facing my Creative Self, Cushioned by Love

 

Mid December I got the news that I had been accepted for the 2014 Hedgebrook Writers’ Residency. I was over-the-moon ecstatic. For a mother of 4 energetic daughters and a wife, this was a precious gift and as the months rolled on I lived for those two precious weeks in July. After a 6 hour flight from Detroit on July 3, a shuttle ride from Seattle, and a ferry ride onto Whidbey Island, I was met in the town of Freeland by warm hearted Julie, who drove me to Hedgebrook farm. More warm and open hearts welcomed me.  I met Laurel, a writer from the Philippines sitting contentedly on a swing with her computer enjoying the outdoors. I later learned that this was her favorite spot. I was given a tour of the property, through the farm house which housed a library in a cozy family room, a kitchen and the revered farm house table.

We walked through the garden crunching on snap peas and inhaling the scent of a variety of colorful blooms. I picked raspberries off a bush and ate them, savoring the tart freshness. I took in deep cleansing breaths and exhaled the stress that had built up over months of work without pause to reflect and process.

 

Then we walked to Meadow House, the place that was to be my home for the next 2 weeks. I was awed by the hand crafted wood interior, the fireplace, the windows that allowed the entire place to be flooded with light and a breath taking view from my writing desk.

 

Finally left alone to unpack, I stared at the set of keys in my hand. I had here the keys to not just a room of my own but an entire house of my own for two weeks. I paged through the journals and discovered that Gloria Steinem, Ruth Ozeki and many other amazing women had stayed in Meadow House. Suddenly it hit me: That I stand on the shoulders of giants, great women whose work and support had gotten me to this place at this time. I thought of Nancy Nordhoff, who envisioned Hedgebrook and made the dream a reality, building beautiful cabins and a garden to feed women’s bodies and fuel their creativity. It struck me as remarkable that Nancy is herself not a writer, but she realized the importance of having more women’s voices in literature and the arts. She also realized the challenges women faced as writers, given all the responsibilities in many of their lives. Hedgebrook was the response to an urgent call and Nancy made it happen through her generosity.

 

I thought of my mentors, my mother and my daughters whose unwavering support and belief that I was a writer challenged me to keep giving voice to those issues and stories that I was most passionate about. I knew then that it was time to start respecting my work and honoring the calling that everyone else seemed to take more seriously than myself. In the elegant words of a special Beloved, it was time to “stop fucking around and to write the fucking Novel!” The belief in my ability expressed by the women in my life had brought me to Hedgebrook. Hedgebrook would complete what had been started.

 

Scared as I was to begin this journey, I knew I had to. I had a novel outline that I had sat with for over a year. The story was, in so many ways already written in my spirit and the time had come for me to strip away the layers that hindered the commitment of the story to paper. Every day, cushioned in this space of non-intrusive nurturing, the layers began to come off. The undressing was gentle and loving and I felt safe in this feminine space to face my completely naked creative self. I stopped resisting the impulse to stare for hours at Mount Rainer, or to take a walk down a trail leading to some place that I did not know. I trusted completely this sacred place, envisioned, created, and imbued with feminine energy. I trusted my creative self to show up if I opened up. I listened to birdsong and watched bunnies play outside my cabin. I listened to the crackling fire in the woodstove and to the monotonous humming of the fridge. I read and envisioned and cried and slept. Finally I was able to listen to and hear my inner voice. On the third day I sat at my computer and put down the story that had been writing itself inside me for a long time.

 

 Supported by amazing fellow writers with whom I shared an evening meal and some of the most precious conversations I have ever had, my novel progressed. The love that went into preparing our meals by some beautiful women sustained me during the tougher parts of the writing process. Unexpected but beautiful stories emerged from inside the story and a radical love story quietly but insistently inserted itself and asserted itself as the fulcrum of the novel. I had no idea where it came from but what I did know was that Hedgebrook was like a womb that nourishes, nurtures, protects and sustains women writers so that they in turn could give birth to the stories that the world needed to hear. This was for me the alchemy of Hedgebrook’s radical hospitality.

 

The final piece to my “coming of age” as a creative being was the journey I took with the guidance of Elizabeth Frediani: Healing through energy alignment. I learnt that my creativity was fed through nurturing myself the same way I cared for and nurtured others. I gained a deeper understanding of life events, past and present and how they affected the energy balance within me and therefore affected my creativity. Elizabeth is also one of the phenomenal women who cooks for writers at Hedgebrook.

 

I have left Hedgebrook, this magical place, conceived and built with Love, and sustained for 25 years through Love. But I carry Hedgebrook with me wherever I go in the world. The life changing experience as well as the calm and clarity that come with the gift of solitude I have taken with me. I carry the spirit of radical hospitality and the deepened belief in intentional communities of Love and safe feminine spaces as a way to nurture and bring forth leaders, artists, writers, painters, and the potential for so much more. I leave with the first draft of a novel.

My hope is that I have left something of myself at Hedgebrook also: joy, laughter, dance, ideas, love and sisterhood, to be ploughed back into this fecund space, so that other women may be nourished nurtured and loved as I have been.

I am in deepest love and gratitude!

Bee.

On Privilege- Based Prejudices: The Abuse of Domestic Workers in Southern Africa.

 

In January as we were sensitizing communities about justice issues in marginalized groups around the world, One Billion Rising coordinator for Swaziland Colani Hlatjwako led a group of domestic workers onto the streets to protest the abuse they experienced at the hands of their employers. You can read about the day of action here. I posted a short video clip of the women dancing and singing a song on Face Book. The words to the song is as follows: Uthin'thule kanjani um'ehlup'umedem! Abafazi laba kabazake basibone!
In English: How do you expect me to keep silent when medem is abusing me? We are the women they have never seen.”

 

A conversation in inbox ensued between me and a former classmate of mine, a Black African woman. Basically she was saying that it was all very well for us to call these women to protest but that nothing was ever going to change an old and entrenched system where maids and gardeners had a certain social standing and they had to know their place. It was clear as we went back and forth that my friend realized the privilege she had but she was not ready to be part of the solution to some of the awful injustices that domestic workers face daily in their jobs. What was surprising to me was the admission that she was aware that her maid (and most maids in South Africa) had to be up at 4am to get public transport in order to be at work in time to prepare breakfast for the medems and their families, so that they could leave to be on time for work. These maids often left their own children to fend for themselves or in the care of a neighbor or relative while they rushed off to take care of the "medem and baas' children.

A couple of weeks ago another former classmate and Face Book Friend posted the following as her status:

 “I want to KILL my maid!!!!!
Give her leeks & sweet potatoes to my soup for tonyt.... Then show her 2 bunches of rhubarb...NOT next to the veges & say please chop this for me......
OMG..... We now have leek, sweet potatoe & rhubarb soup!!!!!! & now I need to go out & buy rhubarb for my pie tomorrow!!!! Maybe it's time for a new maid just that I’ve had Gertrude for 15yrs now....but this is not her 1st huge stuff up. She seldom listens to what I ask for these days...just can't bear the thought of havin someone new to train....worrying if they steal etc”.

My first reaction to this was a visceral anger and I started to write a response to the post. I deleted about 5 responses and decided to let it go. I thought of unfriending her but I didn’t. However I went through an entire week of reflection about what it was I found so offensive about this post.

I realize that the overwhelming feeling I had was not anger but disappointment. I felt disappointed that this person I called friend, who had reached out to me after so many years still embodied those very traumatizing Rhodesian attitudes that had prevented many of us, black and white students from forming any authentic relationships. It reminded me of how we would all hang out at school but that did not extend outside of school hours. What I recall from this time was that it was a given, an unspoken fact that most black Africans and whites did not seek each other out on weekends or outside of school hours. This post reminded me of how at school I could never bring myself to call the workers by their first names “Rosina” or “Kanesio” the way white students did with such ease. My tongue would cleave stubbornly to the roof of my mouth at the mere thought of calling a grown man who was old enough to be my father by his first name. I also remember how I would cringe every time one of the white students spoke with impudence and disrespect to any of the workers and I would get angry because the workers would never stand up for themselves.

This status update was a jarring reality check because I realize that despite the warmth and the invitations to visit her and her family when I am back home in Bulawayo, my friend and I are worlds apart. To herself and others like her, she feels justified in her anger and she sees the fact that her maid chopped up the rhubarb with the soup vegetables as a “major stuff up”, possibly punishable by dismissal from the job after 15 years of loyal service. It does not occur to her that her instructions to the maid were not clear: "Then show her 2 bunches of rhubarb...NOT next to the veges & say please chop this for me."

It does not occur to her that her maid honestly thought rhubarb was also to go into the soup because well, rhubarb looks like the spinach we black Africans eat with sadza. Allow me to show you images so you can understand better.

 

 

    Rhubarb         

 

 

                                                                                                              Spinach

 

I myself could easily have made this mistake were it not for the fact that my sojourn in Germany exposed me to the delights of rhubarb pie and how to make it. Educated as I am if I had been in Zimbabwe I may not have known what rhubarb was or what it was used for. So to expect a maid to understand such an unclear instruction as the one above and then to view this error as a major catastrophe demonstrates what privilege does. Privilege blinds us and insulates us from the lived experiences of others. It prevents empathy and compassion because according to the status, my friend was ready to fire Gertrude, if not for the fact that training a new maid was a nuisance and of course added to this was the possibility of employing a thief. Stereotypes and preconceived (ill- conceived) notions of the “other” are at the root of privilege- based prejudices.

 

I had decided to leave the whole matter alone until last week another friend posted this image on her wall.

The caption to the image was: ...We love housekeepers who are so devoted to caring for fur-kids

 

Another image was also circulating and the caption on this one read: When the owners of this dog asked their housekeeper to take him for a walk, they weren't expecting this.

 

These images sparked total outrage amongst Black South Africans and a few white South Africans. The Majority of White people however ooed and ahhed over the pictures and others insisted that these pictures were ‘innocent” and that Blacks generally needed to get over apartheid. In fact one woman who went to school with my activist friend who had posted the picture wrote: “When we were in school you had such potential. But I can see that you are still hung up on Blacks being downtrodden by apartheid. I am disappointed”  Clearly my friend was supposed to feel guilty for having taken offense at such an "innocent picture" and white privilege had the other woman believing that my friend must have somehow sought her approval (how could she not seek the approval of her white classmate?! Is that not what all educated Black were striving for?!) and therefore she would punish her by withdrawing it. 

Given the history of Black oppression by Whites in Southern Africa images of a black maid with a dog on her back are extremely disturbing, to say the least. To the argument that “Well she is happy, look she is smiling so she was not forced to do this”: There is a huge power differential between the majority of Blacks and Whites and an added layer of complexity is the maid/ master relationship. The idea that a black woman who may be leaving her own kids in the township to go to work would willingly strap a DOG on her back is highly improbable to me. Black people’s relationship to their dogs is vastly different from that of white people and their dogs. Most times dogs stay outside the house not inside. They do not get special treatment and they are fed left overs NOT special dog food from the pet store. Middle class Blacks who can afford special dog food and medical insurance for their pets are not in the majority of black dog owners, but even they would be affronted by these image which are so symbolic about all that is wrong with the racial and power dynamics in South Africa.

 There is a total disconnect and disregard by many whites to the sensibilities of Black people. In fact Black people’s lived experience and their pain are so far removed from those of whites that it doesn’t occur to them to stop and reflect for a moment how these images are degrading and dehumanizing. It is these whites who believe that the current condition of the majority of Blacks in southern Africa is entirely of their own making. Perhaps it does occur to them but they simply do not care because if they did care statements like “black people need to get over apartheid” would not escape their lips.

If they cared they would understand that apartheid ended on the books, it was made illegal but it still exists entrenched in the systemic/ structural economic/ paradigm that still has the wealth, land and all sectors of the economy in the hands of the minority whites while majority blacks continue to live in squalor. If they cared they would be active participants in the redistribution of resources and holding government accountable instead of lamenting the good old days and continuing to treat their helpers with contempt and disregard. If they cared they would face the fact that the rampant crime and violence are symptoms of the poverty, rage and frustration fueled by years of oppression and disenfranchisement and that the only way to ameliorate it is to address the root causes. Building more and more gated communities to keep “them out” is only a temporary solution to an ever swelling ocean of discontent. When the tsunami of black rage rises in waves out of Alexandra, Dipsloot, Khayelitsha and the barren rural areas on which blacks were resettled while whites took fertile land, those high walls will not stem the tide. If they cared they would realize that stereotypes and preconceived (ill- conceived) notions of the “other” are at the root of privilege- based prejudices.

To be able to have someone who cleans up and takes care of one's home is a privilege that many people in the developing world can afford. The issue is not about having house help. On the contrary these helpers are the ones who make it possible for people who can afford them to go to work and to do what they have to do. It is also good that there is employment for people who may otherwise have no other means of earning a living. What is vital, is to realize and to respectfully acknowledge their humanity and to pay them a decent living wage that takes into account the challenges they face in order to get to work. Many Black Africans also mistreat their house help and they are part of an oppressive system that once upon a time oppressed them also. We cannot forget so quickly and allow our newly acquired or earned privilege to perpetrate injustice on our domestic workers. We know better and many of our new lives are just a few degrees removed from our domestic workers' lived experiences and we can relate.Many of us have relatives who themselves are domestic workers and in the same way we would not abuse our kith and kin, we should not abuse domestic workers.  

If our privilege blinds us to the lived realities of others around us and we neglect to acknowledge that we have much because others have less, then we have only ourselves to blame when the manifestation of our neglect and blindness is visited upon us.

 



 

The Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF), a new political party in South Africa. The  above image is of parliamentarians being sworn in and their attire is symbolic of who these leaders represent. The fact that members of this fledgling party won seats in parliament is indicative of the appeal that their manifesto has for the young, domestic workers, mine workers, farm laborers and the disenfranchised. This image is powerful and requires no explanation. It is however, enough to say that those we marginalize will be brought front and center and they will no longer be in the shadows. The forgotten ones whose contributions we trivialize and take for granted will become prominent and our abuse of them will be accounted for.